a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
