you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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