covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
