So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize