your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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