sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
