If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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