you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Just fell off a train. Bad.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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