i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
