i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize