Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
