Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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