i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
