My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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