i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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