Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
