Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
