Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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