Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
