I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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