Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
