Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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