Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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