are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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