i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize