Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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