I'm lost and stupid without you.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
