you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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