I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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