Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
