he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
