It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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