he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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