I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
