Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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