my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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