Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
