I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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