I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
This is the high leading the old right now
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I have tasted many bathrooms
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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