his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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