Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
