My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I didn't notice because vodka
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
