I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
