i think i have herpe
just one?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
