I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
