Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
