I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
