i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
