12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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