call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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