How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Are we still banned from the library?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
