She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
