and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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