I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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