i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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