I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Randomize