You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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