Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(310): View more from California

my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.

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(240): View more from Maryland

stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.

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(361): View more from Texas

Did i throw a brick at someone last night?

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(410): View more from Maryland

She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.

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(816): View more from Missouri

Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."

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(905): View more from Ontario

I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though

(289): View more from Ontario

Lolll I'll be sleeping

(905): View more from Ontario

I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.

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(559): View more from California

It was like die hard. Except with more penises.

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(925): View more from California

Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.

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(661): View more from California

We should get drunk in walmart

(1-661): View more from California

when?

(661): View more from California

20 minutes ago

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