i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
