Just fell off a train. Bad.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
