Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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