I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
