I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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