If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
