I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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