i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
