So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
