My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
