I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
