she's into porn, im staying here tonight
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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