I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize