My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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