If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
