his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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