she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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