omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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