How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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