Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
