question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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