I haven't been this sober since birth.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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