Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
