morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
