I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
