But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize