Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
