I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
