I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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