ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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