i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
