This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
